So I first things first I never thought I would post to reddit this is literally very new to me. Anyways ima cut to the chase 2 years ago I wont at the casino I won a bunch but I'm not really one of those who isn't farmiliar with how people act I guess you can say I saw it coming but anyways I won quite a bit not gonna go into amount cause why should I ok so when I did that I was very generous and if a friend needed some here and there I let them or bought some beer cause thats what friends do but I think where I messed up is when I told people how much I won I was like yes I win which means we win I even went to the extent of putting a certain budget amount just for me and my friends im one of those who will legit give my homies the bag if I got it and at the same time I was testing everybody to see who gota go it was the perfect opportunity to see who was real and who wasn't anyways we was getting ready to go to avengers end game so I went to grab some money for me and 2 of my friends cause obviously I'm paying there way so I go and grab some money and the only friend who saw me grab that money was my closest friend out of them all not even 10 minutes later its missing 😅🤣 Im not gonna try and prove he stole the money (just know i know)and that he lied about having to go to the bathroom cause thats where I found my wallet 2 weeks later! Anyways I went and watched the avengers with them then after the avengers I blocked them two cause the second friend isn't really my friend he just rode my other friends dick pretty much anyways I never seen people act so childish I literally quit hanging out with them didn't even say a word to them didn't feel like I needed to explain myself you know so later on like maybe a year later I seen they was talking shit on me to one of my other friends saying that I got lucky to hit that kinda money at the casino and that I changed... let me just remind you I am kinda a retired (thug) I guess you could say anyways they basically said I changed I say no to that not a fucking thing changed about me just money showed me who my true friends were they showed their true colors they literally could of asked me for some money i wouldn't have hesitated but I'm glad they did me the way they did what do yall think? I don't expect you to believe me but put yourself in this exact situation true or not true how would you handle it? Last thing I wanted to do was handle it in a ugly manner you know what I mean they took to facebook to call me a drug dealer and all kinds of shit hell maybe they was mad cause they knew I was done living like that I know im telling off on myself but who gives a fuck right? I got a chance to live right and now I have a job a car a home a rv Its not like this money would last forever but it pulled me out the gutter and I truly think everything happens for a reason two years ago I was wallowing in my own bullshit today I'm a changed man

"Mos Eisley Spaceport. Never again will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."
In the original Star Wars, Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina (yeah I just found out what it was actually called, thanks Wookieepedia) introduced us to the breadth of bizarre alien creatures in the Star Wars galaxy, all crammed in a seedy bar on a backwater planet. From the hammer-headed Ithorian designed by Ron Cobb to the devilish Devaronian designed by Rick Baker, Lucas's creative team helped bring a universe of seemingly limitless possibilities to life in one short sequence. The scene has had a number of homages and imitations in other entries of the saga, but how do they all stack up compared to the original and arguably the best?
There's some criteria for what constitutes a "cantina" scene. It has to be some kind of enclosed environment featuring a plethora of unique alien designs with tonnes of visible personality as well as an overall lively though somewhat intimidating atmosphere for the protagonists. I'll be ranking them all out of 10 on the Cantina Factor. I'll only be counting the mainline "episodes" of the saga.
Episode V... doesn't have a cantina scene. The closest thing is the bounty hunter gathering on the Star Destroyer bridge, but... it doesn't really have the same feel and is a bit too brief to count. Move along, move along.
Episode VI, on the other hand, throws us right into the 24/7 partyhouse that it Jabba's Palace. A stew of filth and debauchery surpassing Mos Eisley, you almost feel dirty just looking at this place. Jabba is truly the Fisher King of his establishment, everything is as grimy and seedy as the giant slug himself. We see Jabba's entourage of performers, jesters and burlesque dancers, as well as servants, guards, bounty hunters, VIPs and assorted criminal scum. Compared to Mos Eisley, we get to see this litany of bizarre characters in greater focus, with many turning out to be quite important figures in the expanded universe. The main centres of attraction include: Jabba's pale, weak-minded Twi'lek majordomo Bib Fortuna; the axe-wielding, boar-like Gamorrean Guards; Jabba's cackling jester Salacious B. Crumb; Boba Fett flirting with girls; Oola the sexy Twi'lek slave dancer who's fed to the Rancor; Malakili the Rancor keeper who tenderly weeps when his beloved pet is crushed to death; EV-9D9 the sadistic torture droid; Ephant Mon the horrifically ugly elephant thing who is apparently Jabba's best mate; and last but not least, Max Rebo the cute blue DJ. Bossk the Trandoshan bounty hunter also has a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo. The 1997 Special Edition controversially extends the song-and-dance number with Sy Snootles, replacing her (admittedly awful) puppet with CGI and adding an entirely new singer, Joh Yowza, who obnoxiously mugs the camera during his solo. Overall, the Jabba's Palace scene is in many ways better than the original Mos Eisley cantina scene, but it suffers greatly in the Special Edition... still, nothing can stop it ranking a solid 9/10 on the Cantina Factor.
With an enhanced budget and new fangled digital effects technology, Episode I is basically one long creature-feature. There's not really a single scene quite like Mos Eisley, as nearly every scene seems to have crowds of alien extras wandering around. Ironically, we don't see any cantina-like locations on Tatooine in the film, though the Boonta Eve Classic podrace scene provides us a decent alternative. All of the greatest podracers in the Outer Rim gathered together with their own idiosyncratic vehicles, including Anakin's cruel arch-rival Sebulba, the four-armed Gasgano, and the legend himself Ben Quadrinaros. Pit droids wander around providing some visual comedy. We see Jabba and Gardulla presiding over the event, with live race commentary provided in both Basic and Huttese by the hammy two-headed Fodesinbeed Annodue, a.k.a. Fode and Beed. Anakin's slave friends, including the young Rhodian played by Warwick Davis, also appear to cheer him on. However, considering that the rest of the film shoves so many CGI alien mugs in our faces all the way through, it doesn't have quite as much impact. 6/10.
In Episode II, we get the Outlander Club on Coruscant during Obi-Wan and Anakin's citywide chase for the bounty hunter Zam Wessell. As an avid clubber myself (not so much now, thanks COVID), I naturally like this scene and it's also cool to see the night life on a civilised Core World for once. On the downside, we don't get a good look at many quirky alien characters, but the one who does make an impression is no less than excellent: the deathstick dealer Elan Sleazebaggio. I wonder if he did go home and rethink his life? The scene also started the fan theory that Obi-Wan might be an alcoholic, seeing as he eagerly heads straight to the bar for some shots like the absolute legend he is. The "Jedi causes commotion with lightsaber, everyone looks then just carries on as normal" beat is given a tribute too. Moreover, the Outlander Club is used in an awesome fan film called Hell's Club which mashes together various iconic club scenes from other movies -- Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan encounters Ewan McGregor's Renton from Trainspotting while Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever leers at Anakin a little too long (also the madness makes Carlito's death no less sad, RIP). 8/10.
Episode III, there isn't one, skip.
Being a soft remake of Episode IV, Episode VII gives us a straightforward cantina scene with Maz Kanata's Castle on Takodana. Takodana might be one of my favourite locations in the whole saga. On paper it's an unremarkable forest planet but there's something... tangible about it. The fact that it was filmed in a real forest and a real set for the castle rather than a greenscreen backdrop definitely helps. Beyond Kanata herself, we see glimpses of some interesting looking characters, including: Grummgar the hulking big game hunter; Bazine Netal the enigmatic First Order spy who rats on BB-8; and most memorable of all, Sidon Ithano a.k.a. The Crimson Corsair, the red-garbed mercenary who Finn offers to join up with. Among the flags adorning the castle, you can also see the emblem of the real life charity organisation, the 501st Legion. Nice touch. Will we ever find out how the Skywalker lightsaber got there though? 9/10.
Episode VIII gives us the controversial Canto Bight on planet Cantonica. I'm very much pro-Canto Bight, it's a perfect 'anti-Mos Eisley'. Rather than a usual wretched hive of destitute criminals, Cantonica is a luxury casino resort filled with the disgusting, decadent elite of the galaxy. Crooks of a different breed. The aesthetic is great, it's all white and clean but filled with some truly repulsive-looking aliens squeezed into tight tuxedos and dresses. Like Finn, it's easy to get lost in the glitz and glamour until you see what it's all built on, then you can cheer when the Fathiers tear it all down. As bad as it all is, a part of me still finds Canto Bight appealing -- I wouldn't mind getting suited and booted and playing a bit of roulette (or the Star Wars verse equivalent of it, idfk) with some fuckin' weird aliens. Speaking of, let's get to some. We've got: Countess Alissyndrex delga Cantonica Provincion, the ruler of the town who can only be described as a purple slab of meat with a human face; Lexo Sooger the long-armed masseur; Slowen Lo the busybody Abendedo who almost destroys the Resistance because Finn and Rose parked on a beach; the Cthulhu-esque Palandag jazz band, somehow weirder than the Modal Nodes from Mos Eisley; Dobbu Scay the diminutive monocled alien who drunkenly mistakes BB-8 for a slot machine, also played by Mark Hamill; Justin Theroux and doll-faced model Lily Cole cameoing as the suave "Master Codebreaker" and his square-haired partner respectively; and of course, Benicio del Toro's "DJ" imprisoned down in the cells. Below the casino itself, we see the abusive slavery practices on both animals and children, with the boy Temiri Blagg revealing himself as Force-sensitive in the ending shot of the film after being inspired by the legend of Luke Skywalker. Whether or not you like its role in the story, it's a damn good alien cantina, 10/10.
Finally, we get to Episode IX. It's easy to miss because of how insanely fast-paced the film is, but yeah, there is a cantina scene on Kijimi, in the Spice Runner Den. I always wondered if this planet is a reference to Hideo Kojima, makes sense considering he and J.J. Abrams are friends, though apparently it's also a reference to some Japanese synthesizer brand. It's nothing to write home about. I mean, yeah, we're introduced to Zorii Bliss and Babu Frik, the best character in the entire trilogy, but what else is there? Oh yeah, a cameo from John freakin' Williams as the bartender Oma Tres. But yeah, apart from that, it's bland and forgettable, there are some aliens dotted around but none of them are focused on particularly. 3/10.
And there you have it. I felt weird about ranking Mos Eisley itself with its own imitators when it originated the whole trope, so I leave that one to you guys. Which is your favourite?

I'll start off with a non-gambling event that is still vivid in my mind to this day. Its about noon on a Saturday and im playing blackjack at Hollywood casino in Columbus OH. Been playing for a few hours and it is time for a restroom break. As I walk into the restroom there is a guy in blue jeans and a white t-shirt.
This guy is on his knees in front of the urinal like he is about to give it head or throw up. So I wait for a second trying to figure out what to do. I know if i'm not fast the next shoe will start without me and the next closest restroom is to far. Then I see something pink in this guy's hands
Dude is holding a pink urinal cake. 'wtf, did he drop something in the urinal or his he high or drunk,' I thought to myself. I must have made a noise or something because he jerks and turns his head to me. He has pink shit all around his mouth and down the front of him. He stands up and starts walking towards me.
I turn around and head back to the table at a fast past. Informing the dealer what the fuck I saw he calls the pitboss over and I tell the pit boss what I just told him. The pit boss mutters, 'not again,' and he goes and calls security. I look over towards the restroom and see dude walking in and out of the restroom.
I'd hate to be the security guards that day. I don't think I could physically deal with someone covered in piss and urinal cakes. Pit boss told me there is a nearby adult living center for the mentally challenged and this dude sneaks off and has a thing about urinal cakes. Likes the way they taste or something. Whenever I use a urinal anywhere now. I can't help but think about urinal cake dude.

LONGEVITY
Complete a Life Complete a full life
All you have to do for this one is die. You probably have it by now, but if you're super attached to your first Bitizen, you can always save your Bitlife and play somebody else wastefully or hold out until they pass.
Octogenarian See your 80th birthday Nonagenarian 90th birthday Centenarian 100th birthday Super-centarian 110th birthday Mega-centarian 120th birthday
Get on a healthy diet and garden and meditate twice a year. I like Nutrisystem. It's expensive, but I have advice for managing that below...
Strong Genes Achieve a 500-year generation Long Lineage 1000-year generation Living Legacy 5000-year generation
Never don't have kids. I like leaving everything to the youngest child and playing as them, but that won't make your kids happy with you or your heir. Your call. Either way, it helps to have a couple Bitlifes going in case you get tired of living carefully. Sometimes you're gonna want to be more reckless, you know?
WEALTH
Millionaire Become a millionaire My Second Million Achieve a net worth of $2m
Now that we have Royalty and Sports, this is a lot easier. Traditionally, if you're hot (95%+), drop out of high school and get your GED ($1k, you can do that in a couple years of dog walking/freelance gigs) and wait for a singer or actor career. If not, work hard in school and go to the gym often. Check your parents' stats and if they're generous make sure you pass your drivers test (maybe even ask if you can get a nicer one! immediately sell your car, they lose value fast) and take a martial art. It's much cheaper if they pay for it ($1K per tier in some countries) and gets you in good shape. If you're athletic, grind at a sport from middle school onwards. If you're not, try some athletic-adjacent clubs and go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. When you're in good shape you can get a soccer scholarship (which can become a/)or a professional sports contract. More sports tips below, same with other careers. Basically try to get famous, not through politics. Or be hot and marry rich/have rich parents who die/be royal.
Multimillionaire Achieve a net worth of $10m Rich Net worth of $20m Super Rich Net worth of $50m Stinking Rich Net worth of $100m
Get a couple million first, then invest it in real estate. Or do ads if you're famous and it won't ruin your career. Helps to be big on social media for influence on that stuff. Fix up 1M+ houses and flip them when they've hit a value of 2 or 3 million. If you've got great karma or you're a religious figure of some kind, exorcise some mansions. You can do it all that way, or keep grinding careers.
Bitionaire Achieve a net worth of $1b
It's hard to get here from 0. Helps to leave everything to your youngest kid before you die after living a long, fruitful life. You can let your kid "take over" your assets at any time without tax now, that's the best way to do it. Then as soon as they're 18 make them famous/invest in real estate and repeat.
CAREER
Actor Become an actor
Be hot. You can drop out at 16 and get your GED for $1k (ask your parents for money or do freelance gigs for a couple of years). If you're not, go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. Grind at a sport in school if you can to keep your health well and get plastic surgery at 18. Generally if your appearance stats are low it's either a nose job or liposuction that will fix it. Always go to the best plastic surgeon. Marry rich if you have to or work for a couple years if you have to, but start the career as soon as you can. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. Sleep with people in Hollywood (bosses coworkers etc). Your spouse/parent will generally be mad if you're in rude magazines, so hold off on dating unless they're cool or make them deal with it.
Airplane Pilot Become an airline captain
Grind in school and keep your mental health well. No drugs but drink if you feel like it, just make sure you can go to AA or whatever. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. If you're rich and you've inherited an airplane or you can afford lessons, take them. Go to University for a science thing that isn't biology lol. Start your Pilot Apprentice job.
At Inner Peace Work 75 years as a monk
Follow my longevity tips above and don't party or drink or do drugs. Always be honest. Meditate. Don't date.
Candywriter Work for Bitlife
Be born in Tampa, United States. Go to university for Information Systems. You'll get the achievement right away when you're hired.
CEO Become a CEO
Go to school for Finance. Get a job. Work hard every year.
Dentist Become a dentist
Go to university for biology, then dental school. Work hard every year.
Doctor Become a doctor
Go to university for biology, then medical school. Work hard every year.
Fire Chief Become a fire chief
Stay in good shape. Work hard every year.
Jack Of All Trades Have 10 careers in one life
Work at retail and food service jobs for less than a year, then go to university to get even more opportunities. Keep going for different paths.
Judge Become a judge Lawyer Become a lawyer
Go to school for english. Go to law school. Work hard every year.
Last Resort Seduce your boss to save your job
Be hot. Work fewer hours than required at your job. Make sure your supervisor is attracted to your gender and low professionalism. When your boss tries to fire you, seduce them.
People Person
Start with your less popular coworkers and work your way up. Pay attention to their stats so you know what they want. Get hard-to-get people with Bitlife Bitizenships ($5).
Combat
Armed & Dangerous Kill someone with a learned martial art move
Get to the top level of a martial art, (especially in prison) pick someone old to attack. Start a fight with them.
Midieval Attack Get attacked with a midieval weapon
Kinda chance. Just keep picking fights. You can get into a lot of fights if you're rude at nightclubs or to people on the street. Sometimes if you attack your loved ones or enemies with a weapon they'll kill you with a sword or something.
No Grasshopper Earn the top belt in a martial art
Each martial art has 10 tiers. They can cost $1k+ if you're an adult so if you've got generous parents take advantage.
Sensei San Earn the top belt in every martial art
Have health above 50% when you take a martial arts lesson. Follow above tips. Parents will probably only pay for one set of lessons, so pay for the other arts yourself as an adult. At $10k per martial art, it will probably cost you $40k-$50k.
Disease
Addicted Sustain 3 addictions at once
Play Blackjack or go to the horse races often with mid-tier mental health. Get addicted to pills or some other hard non-psychedelic drugs. Start drinking last b/c it'll kill your health. Try not to let your Bitizen get depressed or you might die, lol. All addiction is dangerous so it may take a few tries.
Bubonic Plague Contract the bubonic plague
Have low health and luck out. I got it in the UK.
Foam at the Mouth Contract rabies
Try to take home every wild animal you see. One might bite you. If you succeed, take it to the vet. If it doesn't have rabies, release it. If it does, don't treat it! Take it home and bathe it until it bites you.
Sickly Contract 10 diseases in one life
Best if you're not vaccinated, but just have mid-tier health and be really social. All afflictions count.
Successful Rehab Have rehab cured at a rehab center
Go to fancy rehab if you can afford it. Do it from your military deployment to go AWOL.
Witchcraft Get cured of a disease by the witch doctor
Eye of newt and cow tongue are iffy. Always start with health at 100. They've fixed cancer and sickle cell for me.
Entertainment
BitBoi Watch Bijuu Mike on YouTube BTS ARMY Go to a BTS concert
Keep asking friends to watch YouTube/go to concerts every year until you get those options.
Movie Junkie Go to 5 movies in one life Moviegoer Go to a movie
Go to the movies every year. It's good for your relationship if you go with somebody.
Fame
Brightest Star Achieve maximum fame
Actor, model, writer, athlete career path. Keep doing every bonus thing (talk shows, books, pose nude, commercials) and verify on social media.
Centerfold Pose for Wank magazine
Agree to pose nude every time until you get it. I think this one has women mostly but I can't remember.
Endorser Get paid $2m for a commercial
Easy if you're a high paid actor or model doing an international commercial.
K-Pop Become a famous Korean singer
See my wealth advice. Follow it with the "background singer" career and start in Korea.
Fertility
DNA Donor Make 25 sperm donations in one life
This one is hard b/c you can only do it once a year and only until a certain age. So start at 18 and don't stop. I think you have to be American. Maybe UK and Canada too? Not legal everywhere. Try not to miss a year.
Fabulously Fertile Have 10 children in one life Fertile Myrtle Mother 25 children in one life
Meditate every year. Start at 18. You have to be cis. Eat healthy and exercise. Get boyfriends and have unprotected sex with them so you don't get STDs. You can be a mother up until like 51 if you're healthy and lucky. Keep having sex until you get pregnant.
Smart Seed Get artificially inseminated with lawyer sperm
Start at 18. You have to be cis. Be fertile (tips above). Keep pulling up the option to get artificially inseminated until a lawyer comes up. Don't listen to your partner if they don't want you to do it LOL.
Super Sperm Have 100 children in one life
Be a cis dude. Meditate. Be handsome. Have a million girlfriends. Use the dating app to keep dating young women. Don't abandon any kids but leave girlfriends as soon as they're pregnant. Hire every surrogate that will take you if it's legal. Sue them for the max ($200k) if they bail (not miscarry).
Three's Company Have triplets
Sometimes this happens if you're a dude with luck or while you're doing Super Sperm. Sometimes if you're a woman it's luck too or when you do IVF with your partner's sperm or other artificial insemination.
Military
Career Military Serve your full career in the military
Tips for staying alive below. Retire as soon as you can.
General Achieve the rank of general in the military
Be a good Army person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Admiral Reach the rank of admiral in the military
Be a good Navy person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Absent Without Leave Go AWOL in the military
Be deployed with an addiction and check into rehab. Whoops.
Excavator Clear 10 minefields
Be deployed, and use a minesweeper solver to not die if you suck at minesweeper.
Pet
Adopt Don't Shop Rescue every pet in the shelter
You gotta have a few houses. Then you're good. You gotta do it all in one year so have like a lot of houses. Like 5 at least. Tips for getting rich above.
Horsing Around Own 50 horses in one life
You gotta have a bunch of ranches. Buy a few horses a year. Tips for getting rich above.
Just Keep Swimming Buy a goldfish and release it.
You can do this one as a kid too if your parent gets you a goldfish.
Natural Selection Rescue every pet in the shelter
This one took forever. Just keep buying dangerous exotic pets and rescuing every dangerous animal you see. It's luck.
No Probllama Buy a Llama
Buy a ranch in Afghanistan. Go pet shopping.
Prison
Aftermath Escape prison in a riot Instigator Prison riot
Get good at Snake. Keep rioting. Works best in low security. Takes a couple tries, kind of luck.
Behind Bars Spend 50 years in prison True Lifer 75 years in prison
Do a murder in a country without the death penalty (Canada). Murder with full health at 18. Get a prison job. Meditate and work out every year. Keep your head down. Try half-heartedly to escape every once in a while so you don't accidentally get parole or something. But if you get out you can always go back. Rob a bank or something. But keep your health and behaviour up in case you get sick and need to go to the infirmary.
Gangsta Join a prison gang
Go to a medium or higher security prison.
Inmating Get a lover pregnant on a conjugal visit
Be a cis man with high fertility. Have a good relationship (80%+) with an 18 year old cis woman. Make sure she isn't on birth control. Do a small crime, get a prison job, and meditate. Request a conjugal visit.
Justice Get freed from prison by appeal
Be rich. Wait a couple years after you're sentenced for something non-violent.
Mercy Me Get granted clemency
Be a nun or a monk for 50+ years. Don't retire. Do a murder. Get a prison job. Meditate, work out, go to the library, and write letters to home. You won't know until the year you're scheduled to die, so hold on.
Midnight Express Get sentenced to Turkish prison
Be born in Turkey. Do a crime.
Theseus Escape a supermax prison
There are a ton of Bitlife prison guides. Do a murder and escape from death row.
Royalty
Executioner Execute 5 people
Be king. Or queen. Top dog, either way. It helps to have enemies or friends to make enemies.
Markle Marry into the royal family
Be a commoner in a country with royals. Be cute. Go on lots of dates. It'll pop up and be part of their name. They could be a viscount or whatever, no member of the royal family is too far removed.
Monarch Become a monarch
Start as prince or princess and inherit the throne.
Napoleon Get exiled to a distant land
Keep executing people. And do a bunch of disservice.
Reign Over Us Reign as monarch for 100 years
In a country where Prince/Princess is top monarch or where your king/queen parents are low health/dying, keep your health up until you're a super-centarian (see above).
Sports
Canton Get inducted into the football hall of fame
Be a great football player. Be famous. Play as long as you can. Keep being famous after football as long as you can. I stopped being famous at 40 and got inducted at 60.
Christiano Win the Ballon d'Or
Be a European soccer player. Keep winning championships (see below).
Full Ride Win an athletic scholarship
Start playing sports in middle school. Become captain of at least one team with a pro league.
Giggsy Win 13 career championships
You can train each stat up twice in a turn if you trade teams, but you'll lose respect, so pick your moments. Grind your whole life. Keep going to the gym. Trade teams when you guys start losing. Stay on top.
Hooker Yell at a leopard
Try out for professional rugby with high athletic stats. Choose Hooker as your position.
Lance Win a championship while doping
It's safest to dope the year after a drug test. Try it for your second or third championship.
Real Estate
House Hunter Make $2m from flipping a house
Buy a $2m house. Leave it to your kid. Sell it. See above.
Mansion Party Throw a party in a mansion Real Estate Mogul Purchase real estate worth $10m combined Trailer Party Party in a trailer
Pretty straight forward. If you're broke start with the trailer party. Then buy mansions. Advice for getting rich above.
School
Brothers Forever Get hired by a frat brother
Be a jock. See sports advice above. When you're in two sports at university, compliment the jocks' leader. Be good looking (plastic surgery if needed, see above) and google the answer to the question if you need it. Google high-level frats and pick one. Then when you get hired after school one of them might hire you!
Earning that A Seduce your teacher
Be really attractive and compliment your teachers who are attracted to people of your gender. Take the opportunity to sleep with them if it arises.
Naughty Child Get expelled from school
Be rude as hell to the principal/headmastedean
Swimming Star
Start swimming as young as you can and stay in shape. "Work harder" every year.
Social Media
Social Media Join social media Social Media Sharer Post Social Media Oversharer Post 5 times Social Media Star Get a million followers Check! Get verified
Join all social media platforms at 13. Be pretty and keep posting. Follow above advice to get famous in any public career to get more followers. Start with Instagram for verification around 100k. By the time you're a lead actosupermodel/etc you'll have 1m followers.
Vehicle
Antiqued Keep a car running for 200 years.
Buy a brand new car. Do maintenance twice a year. Pass it on to your kid (18+) and repeat.
Car collector Assemble a car collection worth $1m Lambo Buy a Lamborghini
Buy a lambo and a bunch of other fancy cars. Who cares. See advice above for money.
Not The Yellow One Buy a submarine
You need $5b for this to show up reliably.
Titanic Trouble Run into trouble on a yacht
Have a shitty yacht or shitty luck. Go for a bunch of rides.
Animal
Animal Rescue Rescue an animal
Helps to have 100% smarts. Read childrens books so you don't have to tap too many pages. It'll only take two or three.
Deaf Leapord Yell at a leopard
Buy a leopard from the exotic animals dealer and yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla and the Fist Get decapitated by a gorilla
I had to buy so many gorillas from the exotic animals dealer to get one crazy enough to decapitate me. Just keep bathing it and letting it attack you every year until it kills you.
Unicorn Find a unicorn
Go for like 10 walks a year. Have good karma.
Hungry Hippo !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Egypt is good for this.
Lion Tamer !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Kenya is good for this.
Crime
Balcony Buccaneer Steal 100 packages in one life
It's a lot easier to avoid punishment by wielding your title if you're a monarch. This one took me ages as a civiliian.
Burglar Burgle 25 homes in one life
Play Snake well
Cold Killer Kill 10 people in one life Serial Killer Kill 25 people
Start with random homeless people. If you're a royal exert your title to avoid punishment. Keep buying your way out of prison as long as you can. Then start killing other prisoners, start with the oldest and work your way down to the strongest ones. Work out and meditate every year. Pay guards for protection if you can but you probably won't be fucked with if you keep strong and murderous.
Dillinger Rob 5 banks in one life
If you're royal you'll get away with it. Make sure you have a getaway car either way. Clown mask/closest equivalent and handgun/closest equivalent work best.
Scare to Death Scare someone to death
Do a murder but pick scare to death. Works best if they're old.
Bugatti Bandit !!! NEEDED !!!
Going Anywhere !!! NEEDED !!!
LOVE
Black Widow Widow 5 husbands in one life
Start using the dating app when you're 18 and go for old guys. Best if they don't have kids and if they're rich. Propose after you fuck when your relationship is at 100%. I like to be on birth control for this.
Golden Anniversary Be in a marriage for 50 years Diamond Anniversary Marriage for 75 years
Keep seeing movies together and fucking and complimenting each other. Cute as hell. Just marry young and try to both stay alive.
Fake It Propose successfully with a fake ring
Works best if you're rich and they love you and they're dumb.
Family Planner Convince a lover to go off birth control
Be a cis man. Be in a strong relationship with a cis woman. Ask her to go off birth control. Easiest if you're married to her.
Maiden Named Marry a man who takes your last name
Marry a man and don't change your last name. Kind of a luck thing. Make sure your relationship is strong.
Multigamist Get married 10 times in one life
Pre-nups and widowing make this easier but do you. Love them and leave them. If you're a young guy it's really easy to get older women to agree to marry you.
Stud Have 100 lovers in a single life
Hook up like crazy. Date all you can and fuck all of them. Use protection so you can stay alive.
Wedding Planner Agree to an arranged marriage
I did this in India as a woman with wealthy, religious parents.
Bejeweled !!! NEEDED !!!
General
All Along Have a parent who comes out of the closet
Could be luck. Or you can cheat it with a Bitizenship by making both parents gay and unreligious.
Begone Exorcise your own ghost
Be an exorcist. Buy a haunted house. Do what you do best.
Booty Call Have a successful Brazillian butt lift
Be healthy and have good karma. Use the best doctor. Cross your fingers. They still only work 1/3 of the time.
Cliff Diver Go cliff diving Hero Save someone's life Player Perks Accept a casino's hospitality offer Snake Snack Eat a snake ZAP! Get struck by lightning
Random event
Dignified Donor Donate a 1m+ heirloom to charity
Get your heirloom every day. Appraise it. Donate the first $1m+ one you get.
Flamin' Hot Survive 60 years on a Hot Cheetos diet
Get liposuction every couple of years and work out and walk a lot. Have no other conditions. Do your best. Get pets for more walks. Garden. Try to survive. Start at 18.
Flee the Country Emigrate to escape justice
Escape prison and emigrate
Frankenstein Survive 5 botched plastic surgeries
Keep going to the bad doctor. Go for risky procedures like butt lifts. Space them out to get your health back up.
Goat Grabber Join a goat grabbing team
Be athletic and join a goat grabbing team at school in Afghanistan
Human Dictionary Read the dictionary
So much tapping. But eventually it will show up in your books. Be strong.
Hyperthymesia Score 20 sequences on the memory test
The worst part of Bitlife. I did this one by writing 1,2,3 or 4 on a piece of paper according to which # square lit up with my right hand and doing the puzzle on my phone with my left hand. Still took like 5 tries and was really frustrating. Take breaks and come back with a clear head.
Jackpot Win the lottery jackpot
Keep your karma high and buy 10 tickets 5 times a year. You'll get it eventually.
Lowroller Get refused entry to a casino
Bet more money than you have on Blackjack. Once you're out of prison, try to come back. They'll turn you away.
Nightmare Wake up from a nightmare
As a pilot, buy a terrible plane. When it crashes, accept your doom. You might wake up.
Paranightmare Contract PTSD after a paranormal experience
Try to have bad mental and good physical health (a hard balance. Try gardening, dieting, and fighting with friends or loved ones) and then try to exorcise stubborn ghosts.
Perfection Achieve perfect stats
Pretty easy. Work out, get plastic surgery (lipo or nose job to start) and go for walks, read children's books (3 should get you to 100%) and go to the movies or on vacation.
Rich Justice Win a $1m+ lawsuit
Get fired from a really high paying job like CEO and win your lawsuit.
Run Bitizen! Win a bet on Bitizen There's Always Canada Emigrate to Canada Winnipeg, Eh? Visit Winnipeg
Wait until it pops up as an option
Say Goodbye To Hollywood Get deported from the United States
Move to the U.S. without permission. Get caught doing a minor crime.
Skeezy Get called "skeezy"
Be an asshole at nightclubs and in the streets. Fight with your friends and coworkers, insult them and start rumours.
Sweepstakes Win the sweepstakes
Set it up on a day where you'll be by your phone. Sign up every time you can.
Try & Stop Me Violate a restraining order
Stalk your ex. Do it again after they file a restraining order.
Ultimate Betrayal Your spouse leaves you following a gender reassignment
Have a terrible relationship with your heterosexual spouse. Get gender reassignment surgery.
Unethical Bribe a college official
Be rich and have dumb kids.
Roswell !!! NEEDED !!!
Sacrilege !!! NEEDED !!!
​

Right after Winners at War, we are kicking off the endgame with our last newbie season, which takes place in Greece, just like the first season. 18 new castaways will face off, and there will be a returning twist, the Edge of Extinction, but this time, there will be no returnees. It will be just 18 castaways forced to battle the elements and each other, with minimal twists other than the EOE, and the fire making challenge. Without further ado, we will see who will be competing on this season!
Fotia (Greek for Fire) Tribe:
Ava Vasquez, 59, Kindergarten Teacher, u/TDSwaggyBoy
Mother of two, grandmother of seven, Ava is a very kind individual. She made it her goal to help her children in any way, shape or form she could, wanting to give those she loves the best life possible. Even to the point of prioritizing their well being over her own. She always wanted to make a difference, and eventually became a kindergarten teacher in order to help make the years of said toddlers the best she could. Ava still remembers her kindergarten teacher, a kind and warm individual, and she hopes to be seen the same way as her.
Darleen Rojas, 38, Retail Manager, u/Ripecornball60
Darleen was the popular girl in school when she was young. She was a pageant queen, and planned to be a model when she was older. She got through the rigorous casting process to become a model, but sadly fell short at the final call, where she found out she had breast cancer. Going through Chemotherapy was a life changing experience. She lost her hair, her passion, and her job opportunity. She worked at a Retail store for 3 years, until she had a flirt with the manager. He promised her the store in exchange for her "assets". She accepted the offer, and Darleen became the store manager. The previous manager and her dated for 3 more months, until the worst happened. She found him cheating on her. This caused her to break up with him, and kick him out of working for her. Trying to fill his hole in her heart, Darleen used an abandoned break room in her store, and transformed it into a nightclub club she calls the "Hidey Hole". There, she has 1 night stands with women and men alike. She is out here due to one of her "clients" saying someone as manipulative as her could win.
Ellie Ruchkin, 24, Bowling Alley Worker, u/Jckboy100
Ellie is a super nice girl, to almost everyone... however, if you do anything to cross her, she won't forget it. Growing up as an only child made her learn how to entertain herself, and learn how to take care of herself when her parents weren't around. She wants to play this game to see if she has what it takes to win the title and check that comes along with it.
Erik LeFort, 34, Writer, u/Gemini_B
Erik grew up in a typical family. At a fairly young age he realized he was gay, but was luck that his family supported him. That, alongside with supportive friends helping him overcome the few bullies he faced, he wants to be a beacon of hope for gay people everywhere and want's to show what a loving family can do. Despite his want to help others though, he's not afraid to play dirty if it get's him further in the game.
Ethan "EJ" James, 20, College Student, u/JTsidol
Ethan was always struggling In life, that never allowed him to do anything, his dad was extremely angry at him, after his mother died at birth, blaming the death on him, when he was 7 he began abusing him, until at 17 he ran away, now he‘s studying hard to finish college, and he hopes he can get the money to help him study and have a better life.
Kim Juri, 35, Poker Dealer, u/Gemini_B
Kim Juri grew up with a fairly poor family and at a young age secretly turned to gambling to support her family. She got very good and became a poker dealer at a casino. She wants to destroy this game because she knows how to lie, cheat and play dirty. She's here to win, and nothing will stop her.
Krista Ayers, 34, Unemployed, u/breadon17
Krista is a single mom of four, so life isn't very easy for her. She can't find a job and she has an abusive boyfriend who is trying to take everything she knows and loves. She applied for Survivor so that she could get the money she needs to survive and feed her kids.
Kyle Simmonds, 26, Poker Player, u/asiansurvivorfan
Kyle was raised in a very divided home with his parents constantly fighting, and his Dad being an alcoholic. This caused him to start taking part in things he shouldn’t be taking part in like gangs, drug, theft, etc. When he was 20, everything changed for him when his friend signed him up for a local poker tournament. He was reluctant at first, but decided to give it a shot. He surprised everyone including himself at that tournament, as he completely dominated and won. This really gave him the boost he needed in life as he proceeded to continue his success by winning more tournaments and at a higher level too. He plans on handling the game like a poker match and wants to bring all his cards to the table.
Vaso Dragovic, 45, Journalist/Former Yugoslav Soldier, u/Twig7665
Vaso was born in Serbia, which was in the once prosperous country of Yugoslavia in the mid 1970s. He lived a normal life up until his teen years, where he watched the country he once knew as a dream turn into a nightmare. The country became a war-torn hellscape, and he was forced to join the military at the young age of 16. He witnessed countless atrocities, and to escape the war, he had to smuggle himself onto a boat bound for the United States in 1996. With no food, no money, and no shelter, he joined a gang to get himself what he needed to survive. After over a year of selling drugs and being in a gang, he left it and went to go live in a rehab facility until he was was 29, in 2004. He then began work to try and fit back into society. He now works as a journalist for a news company. He signed up for the show to see if he has the skills to win it.
Pouli (Greek for Bird) Tribe:
Alfred "Void" Vallentino, 28, Magician, u/swoldow
Alfred grew up on the streets of Las Vegas in poverty, with both of his parents as struggling actors. To make a few extra dimes, he started to teach himself basic magic to perform on the streets and sometimes skipped school to make more money. He was extremely bullied at school for his passion and lack of money, which led him to be socially isolated from everyone else. He grew more attached to his magic, as he kept working harder and harder until a famous magician with a Vegas show caught wind of his act, and let Alfred open for him. Since then, Alfred has rose to the top of the food chain, and began to experiment with his suspenseful acts to make the audience feel all sorts of emotion.
Katrina MacQuoid, 58, Prosthodontist, u/Gemini_B
Katrina’s parents we’re performers in Kentucky. They lived and breathed theater and expected their daughter to be the same. Though Katrina loved being the center of attention, and still does, she never loved the stage the way her parents did. Her parents wanted her to continue to pursue something arts related, and she became an advertising adjective, but never felt satisfied. When she learned that Kentucky was looking for jobs in the dental field, she felt it would be a perfect field to enter. She always found teeth interesting, I mean, are they bones? But they fall out? So weird. She returned to school at age 35 and became a Prosthodontist at age 43. She’s worked as a Prosthodontist since then and (While not at the level of Peter) has a firm understanding of the most important hole in the human body, the mouth. While she’s liked by many people because of her fun personality, she has trouble forming 1 on 1 bonds and has never found the special one. As a child she often got in trouble for anger issues with her parents, so she began to hold in her anger and let it out in huge, uncontrollable fits when her parents weren't around. This holding in of anger until she can’t contain it is a habit she continues to have, blaming her rages on “Hurricane Katrina” as a sort of justification of her actions. She’s never left Kentucky and while she’s very book smart, she can often be very ignorant on other subjects.
Lila Herring, 21, Secretary, u/AngolanDesert
Lila is a very competitive spirit. She always wants to challenge herself and see how far can she can make it. When she saw that survivor auditions were going out, she knew she could win and provide for her poor family.
Lukas Reed, 24, College Student, u/Jck100
Lukas Reed is a shy, humble young man. Coming from a devastating childhood with the loss of his young sister, him and his dad suffered hard. This shaped him into the man he is today, coasting through college, now he wanted something to step out of his comfort zone and try out this highly social game, and see how he can do.
Luther Dane, 32, Fisherman, u/Twig7665
No one knows much about Luther, due to his tendency to keep everything he knows a secret, and it causes people to see him as a strange loner, a title he does not mind. He was in a car accident in his teen years that killed everyone in the car but him, and he began to think of himself as an untouchable person, someone who could survive almost anything. This caused him to grow reckless when he's not fishing, and made several poor choices in his twenties, including messing with police, which caused him to be sent to jail for several months for interfering with a cop's duty. Now out of prison, he continues to be reckless, but stayed away from police this time. Will his reckless personality help or hinder his journey on Survivor? Only time will tell.
Madyson "Maddie" Anderson, 25, Nurse, u/JTsidol
She’s lived a normal life, she wants some fun, she’s single, hoping that she can get a showmance to lower her target, then strike at the right time.
Marshall Keaton, 28, Marine Biologist, u/TDSwaggyBoy
Marshall was born to a loving family of five, being the oldest of three kids. His father, Dominic, always expected Marshall to follow in the family's footsteps and become a lawyer, just like his old pops. At a young age, Marshall never seemed to agree with his father's plan - being a lawyer is so boring, bro! He went through the entire process, getting accepted to law school, only to then drop out.
Marshall and his father got into a massive argument about it, and Marshall ended up leaving his home afterwards. They are still not on speaking terms.
Marshall then studied to become a marine biologist, as he always found sea creatures to be fascinating.
Now with a girlfriend of 2 years, Marshall hopes to win the money for the both of them. He's got this, yo!
Nolan "NK" Kristoffson, 19, Drummer, u/Twig7665
Nolan was born the younger of twins to a large, fairly poor farming family. He was the youngest, and he resented most of his family. He saw his twin Matt as the antithesis of himself, and while he was able to go to college because of a football scholarship, Nolan had to drop out and help out at the farm. He finally had enough at the age of 18, and told his parents about him wanting to become a drummer, and his parents kicked him out, so he lived at his friend's house for the past year. They were able to get him a drumkit, and they formed a garage band. Inspired by his hard life being constantly outshined by his brother, he wrote angry, edgy lyrics, and they started performing gigs. He shortened his name to just his initials, and now drums for a living. He is playing King's Survivor to finally outshine his perfect twin brother.
Ximena Verez, 22, Fencer, u/asiansurvivorfan
Ximena grew up poor and therefore had to start earning money at an early age by delivering stock. On one of her trips, she was kidnapped and abducted by a group of men that worked for a wanted druglord and rapist. She along with her 3 fellow captives were beaten, abused, and raped for 4 years missing and undetected. After years of mistreatment, Ximena and the other captives were finally found and released. Although it was reliving to be free again, she was deeply traumatized by everything her captor did to her and had an extremely tough time trying to adapt to the real world again. She decided to seek help and was sent to a rehab facility where she got help relieve her trauma. One of the things she picked up was the martial arts which eventually developed into an interest in fencing. Despite it being a male dominated sport, Ximena was adamant on showing young girls they can accomplish anything no matter the hardships they’ve gone through. After her time in rehab, she managed to recover and now spends her time competing in championships all around the world. She came to be a voice for domestic abuse victims.
Link to Season
Episode 1: The eighteen new contestants are shipped into Greece, where they learn of the return of the Edge of Extinction, from the season of the same name. They are then split into their two tribes: the green Fotia tribe, which means "Fire" in Greek, and the orange Pouli tribe, which means "Bird". Ava, Darleen, Ellie, Erik, EJ, Kim, Krista, Kyle, and Vaso draw green buffs, and Void, Katrina, Lila, Lukas, Luther, Maddie, Marshall, NK, and Ximena's buffs are orange. They are then instructed to get as much stuff off the boat as they can, and Krista finds the advantage menu, which can give the user either a reward steal, an extra vote, or an idol. At Fotia, EJ tries to be a mafioso, so he bonds with Ava, and forms an alliance with Darleen and Kim. At Pouli, NK and Void bond very well over being outcasts, and they pull in Lila, Luther, Maddie, Marshall, and Ximena to form "The Outcast Alliance". The Fotia tribe wins the first immunity challenge of the season, forcing the Pouli tribe to vote someone off. Wanting to cut off the weak links as quickly as possible, NK suggests to get rid of Katrina, but Ximena gets the idea to split the votes in case one of them had the idol, and Void individually talks to both Katrina and Lukas to get them to vote each other, and also try to get one of them to play their idol, but neither of them have the idol, so at tribal council, Katrina becomes the first person sent to the Edge in a 5-4 vote.
Episode 2: Lukas tries to figure out who voted for him, so he tries to ask around his tribe, but does not get an answer and likely only angers his tribe. Void finds the hidden immunity idol so Lukas wouldn't, and he shows it to Maddie to make sure she's loyal to him. At Fotia, Ava and Ellie get into a bit of an argument, and EJ tries to get Ellie onto his side by talking to her. Vaso tries doing the same thing with Ava. Ava and Darleen form an alliance, as Darleen wanted to get her own numbers so she could topple EJ sooner rather than later. Once again, the Fotia tribe wins immunity, and the whole Pouli tribe is ready to vote out Lukas, since he's the only outsider and he has already proven himself to want to play way too hard, so Lukas is voted out 7-1.
Episode 3: After Lukas' vote out, the Outcasts must turn on one another, and the lowest in the pecking order was Maddie. At Fotia, people start to see Krista as an easy target, so both Erik and Ellie form fake alliances with her. Kim also leaves her alliance with Darleen and EJ after having a fight with the latter. Vaso, not trusting anyone, looks for and finds the idol. Pouli wins their first challenge of the season, winning the reward, but their winning streak is cut short before it even began, as the Fotia tribe wins immunity for the third time in a row. Maddie tries to manipulate Marshall into flipping from his side, to hopefully bring a few others with him, but Marshall stays loyal to the majority. Maddie becomes the third person voted out in a 6-1 vote, getting sent to the Edge.
Episode 4: When the tribes meet up again, a tribe swap is announced, and the purple Telikos tribe, which means "final" in Greek, is introduced. The Fotia tribe consists of four former Fotias- Ava, Ellie, Erik, and Kyle, and one Pouli- Marshall. On Pouli is three Fotias- EJ, Krista, and Vaso, and two Poulis- Lila and Luther. Finally, on Telikos is two Fotias- Darleen and Kim, and three Poulis- Void, NK, and Ximena. At Fotia, both Ellie and Kyle bond, and the two of them decide to form an alliance and pull in Erik. At Pouli, Krista makes it clear to Lila that she's going to flip, given how EJ had been controlling the Fotia tribe since the start of the game. This causes Lila to see Krista as a bit of a loose cannon, so she keeps an eye on her. At Telikos, Darleen finds the idol, and she keeps down about it, knowing that she's in the minority. NK impresses his team with his leadership, and he also bonds with Ximena. Pouli loses the immunity challenge again, which lowers morale significantly for them. When they get back to camp, Vaso decides on a whim to flip from his old alliance, seeing as he's not gonna vote in the majority if he doesn't. The new target is the mafioso himself, EJ. He tries talking to each of the tribe members individually to try and get them to vote Lila out, who has kind of became the punching bag of the season, but it doesn't succeed, and EJ becomes the fourth person voted out in a 4-1 vote.
Episode 5: Knowing that they are unified, the Pouli tribe are at peace-for now. At the Edge, Lukas finds a way to practice for the Edge challenge, which he finds very useful. Maddie also finds an extra vote that she could give to someone, but they won't be able to use it because reasons. At Telikos, Void and Kim bond over being from Vegas, and a new alliance is formed, with Darleen and Ximena, leaving NK on the outs of the tribe. At Fotia, Erik and Kyle bond strongly, and Ellie tries to get Marshall on her side to take out Ava if they were to lose, since she was the weakest in the tribe. Pouli loses the reward challenge, but Fotia loses the immunity challenge for the first time in the season. Marshall becomes torn between going with the majority and putting himself on the bottom or voting against the majority and still being on the bottom. Ultimately, he decides to go with the majority, thinking Ava didn't have the idol, which is true, she didn't. She becomes the fifth person voted out in a 4-1 vote. Back at camp, Ellie and Erik solidify their alliance by forming a final two deal. They think that since the last season they saw before they left was Blood Vs Water 3, which had a final two. On the Edge, Katrina finds an advantage to penalize who she thinks has the best chance at returning to the game. At Pouli, Vaso and Krista decide they need to stick together because they two Poulis were gonna get them one after the other if they didn't stick together. Lila becomes seen as an even bigger threat than she used to be, and Krista and Vaso try to pull Luther aside to try to convince him to flip on his alliance. He refuses to in secret. Fotia continues their losing streak by losing the reward challenge, but since the host announced that two tribes will be going to tribal council in a joint tribal council, Fotia fights tooth and nail to win the challenge, and they are able to succeed. The whole Telikos tribe decides that Krista is too much of a loose cannon to make it to the merge. Vaso and Krista target Lila, and Luther and Lila target Krista for being weaker than Vaso, as they don't know when the merge will occur. At tribal council, Krista is blindsided 7-2 and is sent to the edge.
Episode 6: The merge is announced. The 12 remaining contestants watch the first six castaways to be voted out compete in a challenge to return to the game, which Maddie wins despite being penalized by Katrina. Krista then raises her flag to leave the game, leaving the game first. The people who formed the Thymamai tribe, which means "remember" in Greek, are Void, Darleen, Ellie, Erik, Kim, Kyle, Lila, Luther, Maddie, Marshall, NK, Vaso, and Ximena. Luther decides to go rogue from his six person alliance, leaving them in a severe minority. Maddie tries to get a good relationship with Marshall again, and it works, but it causes most of the tribe to turn on her again. Lila finds the merge tribe idol, and like many before her, she keeps quiet because she does not want to attract more attention. Erik wins the immunity challenge, and when talking to others about the vote, he finds most people are content with just sending Maddie right back to the Edge. Maddie tries to target Kim, but does not succeed as she is voted out 12-1 and is sent back to the Edge.
Episode 7: After Maddie's blindside, cracks begin to form in the final twelve. While Erik tries to remain humble after his immunity win, which he succeeds in doing, soon people start to throw out names like there's no tomorrow. NK throws out Kim's name, Ximena throws out Kyle's, Darleen does the same with NK, and Kyle throws Marshall under the bus. At the first post-merge reward challenge of the season, a group of Void, Erik, Kim, Luther, Marshall, and Ximena win, and they get Chinese takeout. Darleen wins immunity, saving her from going to the edge for one more vote. The two biggest threats at the moment for the people still in the game were Kim and Kyle, because most people believed there was some sort of poker alliance going on between the two. As it turns out, there was a sort of alliance going on there, so the ten people who weren't in it decided to split the votes between Kyle and Kim, with seven votes on Kyle, who was much more physically strong than Kim, and three votes on Kim. Kim figures out this plan, and tells Kyle to play his idol if he has one, which he does not. Kyle votes for Marshall, and Kim votes for NK, leading to Kyle getting voted out 7-3-1-1. He chooses to stick around at the Edge.
Episode 8:Erik and Ellie get into a fight for whatever reason, and their alliance becomes no more. Ximena and Vaso both decide to help out with the tribe, causing their standing within the tribe to get better. Darleen tries making her relationship closer with Luther, wanting to have a good social game so she doesn't end up as a goat. Erik wins immunity for a second time, cementing his status as a challenge threat (which is really odd, since his challenge stats are on the lower side). People finally begin to catch on to how physically strong Vaso is, so a group of four, led by Void, consisting of him, Darleen, Kim, and Ximena, while another group of four, Vaso, Erik, Ellie, and Luther, vote for Lila, seeing her as an easy target. The rest, deciding that Kim would be better off on the Edge, vote for her. Both Vaso and Lila play their idols, and Kim is the ninth person sent packing in a 3-0-0 vote.
Episode 9: After Kim's vote out, Void, Ximena, and Darleen strengthen their trio to try and have a better shot at making it to the end. Void and Darleen also form a new alliance with Ellie, Erik, and Luther to give themselves the majority of the tribe. Marshall and NK start to form a bromance, and Darleen wins immunity again. Erik and his alliance plot to get rid of Lila, due to her status as an all-around threat and the fact that she could easily win with her story in the game. Void also tries unsuccessfully to get Vaso on board, he instead gets into a fight with Ximena and really hurts his standing in the tribe, causing him to gain enemies in Ximena, Lila, Marshall, and NK. He is saved when the majority, thinking that Lila happened to be the bigger threat, vote her out instead in a 5-4-1 vote. Back at camp, Darleen bonds with Ximena, and it causes Ximena to make the reckless decision to flip from her alliance and try to join Void and Darleen's. Still, she had a dislike for Luther that she could not shake. When Vaso wins immunity, she becomes the main target. Still not giving up, she talks to her rival Vaso to try and get him to help her vote out Marshall, which he agrees to do. Still, it is not enough, and Ximena becomes the eleventh person voted out in a 7-2 vote.
Episode 10: After Ximena's vote out, only eight remain in the game. They compete in a reward challenge, which Void, Darleen, Erik, and NK win. Seeing as Vaso and Marshall were more physically threatening than NK was, despite NK winning a reward challenge. After Erik wins immunity for the third time, he tries to get everyone to vote Marshall out. When Luther later bonds with Marshall, he feels remorse for doing so, but knows it must be done. Void is not told about the plan to blindside Marshall, and he thinks that Vaso is the person being voted out, as does NK. Nk also finds the idol. At tribal council, Marshall is voted out in a 5-3 vote, and for the first time in the season, Void was on the wrong side of the vote.
Episode 11: Luther shows everyone he can win challenges and wins the reward challenge. Then, Luther brings along Void and Darleen as to show that he is playing a loyal game and he can be trusted. When they get back, Luther does some damage control with Erik for not picking him, and they get back on good terms, and also have a stronger bond than before. Vaso tries to get people on his side to blindside someone that he didn't like, so he talks to NK first, and when it didn't work, he starts targeting him, but also talks to Erik. This conversation goes down a lot better, and it helps him convince Erik to go after NK. Erik then talks to Luther and Darleen about the plan to similar success. Void, Ellie, and NK himself decide that Vaso needs to go, and NK reveals to Void his idol. Erik wins immunity for the fourth time. At tribal council, NK plays his idol, and Vaso is sent to the Edge in a 3-0 vote.
Episode 12: After Vaso arrives at the Edge of Extinction, they receive letters they wrote to themselves before the game. Back in the actual game, NK wins a reward challenge, and he chooses too bring along Void and Erik, to try and get some allies, since he was almost voted out at the last tribal council. Unfortunately, only Void is willing to help NK, as Erik was closer to Ellie and Darleen. The Ellie/NK alliance dissolves after NK gets into an argument with her, and he loses another ally. Things get dire when he loses the immunity challenge to Void, leaving his only option, to find an idol. He does not find one, and he knows that he's most likely going at that point. NK tries to vote for Darleen, and Void throws a vote onto Ellie due to being too close to Darleen. In the end, NK becomes the final person sent to the Edge of Extinction in a 4-1-1 vote.
Finale: Void, Darleen, Ellie, Erik, and Luther await the return of the player from the Edge. Lila wins, and she becomes a target the instant she arrives back into the game. Luckily for her, she wins immunity, and she shares the reward with Void and Erik, intending to do what NK did in the previous episode. This time, it succeeds, and she gets both Void and Erik on her side. Luther joins their side as well. Darleen and Ellie vote for Void and Luther, respectively. The other people still in the game voted for Ellie, but Darleen plays her idol for Ellie, and a tie between Void and Luther occurs. Erik decides Void is the bigger target of the two, while Lila votes for Luther. It results in another tie, causing Darleen and Erik to draw rocks, and ultimately, Darleen becomes the twelfth member of the jury. After Darleen's shocking rock draw, the four of Void, Ellie, Erik, and Luther decide to stick together to take out Lila if she loses immunity, which she does, to Void. At tribal council, not wanting anyone to flip on his closest ally in Erik, Void plays his idol for him, causing no votes to be negated, and for Lila to be voted out in a 4-1 vote over Ellie. In the final immunity challenge, Erik makes a desperate deal to Void to take him to the final two, trying to downplay his great all-around gameplay as similar to Bao's from Cook Islands- someone who has a great physical and strategic game, but their social game has a lot to be desired, and Void agrees to the plan. Void then is able to beat out Erik in the final immunity challenge, and he keeps his word, sending Luther and Ellie to fire. Luther's survival skills aided him immensely in this final challenge, and he wins the fire making challenge with a handy lead. Ellie becomes the 14th and final member of the jury. Our third all male final three consists of Void, Erik, and Luther. Void is called out for trying to be seen as trustworthy, while being caught in multiple lies during the game. Luther's game is seen as weak all-around, since he followed Void and Erik and didn't really do much in the game. He does get some votes due to how bitter the jury is towards Void and Erik, and he gets Ava, EJ, Maddie, and Marshall's votes. Kim, NK, and Vaso all respected Void's game, so they voted him to win. Ultimately, Erik is voted the winner of the final newbie season of King's Survivor due to having a great social and physical game, and never receiving a vote throughout the entire game. He may not have had the best strategic game, but he didn't need it to win the game. Void wins the Fan Favorite for being the biggest personality of the season and for his robbery.
Winner: Erik LeFort, u/Gemini_B Fan Favorite: Alfred "Void" Vallentino, u/swoldow
For King's Survivor's last season, we will be going out with a bang. 20 memorable contestants who never won before will compete for one last chance at the million, and one will win. Who will be on this season? We will find out soon enough.

The execution-style murder of former MOVE member, 34 year old John Gilbride Jr., in Maple Shade, New Jersey on September 27, 2002 remains unsolved. MOVE is a black liberation group founded in 1972 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania by John Africa (born Vincent Leaphart) and Donald Glassey, a social worker student from the University of Pennsylvania. In a 2018 Guardian article about the group, MOVE's political views were described as "a strange fusion of black power and flower power which melded the revolutionary ideology of the Black Panthers with the nature- and animal-loving communalism of 1960s hippies.” John’s father, Jack, believes the organization has “blood on its hands” and had his son followed after he fled the movement. Alberta Africa (now Wonderlin), John’s ex-wife and the ex-wife of MOVE founder John Africa, claims that John is alive and “forgoing any contact with the son he was fighting for in court for a life of seclusion, courtesy of the U.S. government” surmising “maybe he went off the deep end or something and is hiding somewhere….he seemed like he was deeply involved in the government.” Jack stated that it is hurtful Alberta still makes those kinds of statements since he identified his son's body, attended his funeral, and buried his cremated remains saying he “could only wish…she knows more than anyone else that it isn't true." According to the Burlington County Prosecutor’s office, the case is still an open investigation.
John, a baggage supervisor for U.S. Airways, was found dead inside his Ford Crown Victoria at 12:08 a.m. outside the Ryan's Run apartment complex in Maple Shade, New Jersey. The killer fired multiple bullets into John’s head and chest at close range from an automatic weapon after which the individual then disappeared into the highways adjacent to the apartment complex leaving behind John’s personal belongings. Police believe the killer knew his schedule because “they were there at the perfect time” noting they shot him just as he was coming home from work late at night and “the purpose was to take his life, nothing else.” John was scheduled to have his first unsupervised visit with his 6- year old son Zackary later the next day-a visit that Jack claims Alberta and other MOVE members had threatened to stop. After a Philadelphia judge decided that John should have unsupervised time with Zackary, MOVE vowed to fight the order and boarded up windows at its Philadelphia headquarters. They also held a rally at the Cherry Hill municipal building protesting the custody order saying the judge’s order was “an attempt to persecute the group and that Cherry Hill police were helping.” John had mentioned to his father that he felt his life was at risk and he knew “he was taking a big gamble.” Before Alberta married John, she was the widow of John Africa, founder and leader of the controversial radical group MOVE. John Africa and 5 other adults and 5 children died in May 1985 when Philadelphia police dropped a bomb on MOVE’s Osage Avenue rowhouse headquarters after a day-long standoff. Given the group's turbulent history, Alberta said police would have arrested MOVE members by now for John’s death if they had evidence saying “we are not murderers.”
John first learned about MOVE as a student at Temple University in the late 1980s and later joined the organization. During one of John's visits from college, Jack suspected John was under a "new influence" as during a drive around the neighborhood, John mused "this is nothing...these big houses, this money, it doesn't mean anything; this surprised Jack as John's "goal in life had always been to become a millionaire and drive a Cadillac." In 1991, John announced he was going to live in MOVE's headquarters and seeing that they could nothing to dissuade him, Jack decided to "keep communication open and maintain whatever relationship John would allow them" using an 800 number to keep in contact. In the fall of 1992, John married Alberta, who was twice his age, against his family's wishes; the family, nonetheless, felt the wedding should be celebrated so they all went to dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in Philadelphia. Jack noted that "at no time did we sympathize with MOVE but in order to have a relationship with John, we did what we had to do."
The name of the group (MOVE) is not an acronym and was chosen by John Africa “to say what they intended to do” as in "everything that's alive moves…if it didn't, it would be stagnant, dead"; as an example, when members greet each other they say "on the MOVE.". The group combined revolutionary ideology with animal rights and “advocated a return to a hunter-gatherer society” based on vegetarianism while remaining “opposed to science, medicine, and technology.” John’s followers changed their surnames to Africa to “show reverence to what they regarded as their mother continent.” John Africa and MOVE members lived in a communal house in the Powelton Village section of West Philadelphia. As activists, they staged bullhorn-amplified, profanity-laced demonstrations outside their homes against institutions that they opposed, such as zoos, circuses, “Three Mile Island”, “puppy mills” and police brutality. MOVE made compost piles of garbage and human waste in their yards which attracted rats and cockroaches that they refused to kill as they "considered it morally wrong to kill the vermin with pest control.” MOVE activities were scrutinized by law enforcement particularly under the administration of Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo, a former police commissioner known for hard stance against activist groups. Mayor Rizzo threatened in 1978 to dispatch his Police Department to MOVE's Powelton Village headquarters "to drag 'em out by the back of their necks."
In 1978, complaints from neighbors about "profanity-laced tirades, arms stockpiling, garbage piled in the yard, and naked children" led to a standoff with members of the group who had not vacated their rowhouse headquarters; a resulting shootout took the life of a police officer and put nine MOVE members in prison for life. In 1981, MOVE relocated to a row house at 6221 Osage Avenue in the Cobbs Creek area of West Philadelphia. Neighbors again complained to the city about trash around their building, confrontations, and the obscene political messages by bullhorn. In 1985, the police obtained arrest warrants in 1985 charging four MOVE occupants with crimes including parole violations, contempt of court, illegal possession of firearms, and making terrorist threats; by now, Mayor Wilson Goode and police commissioner Gregore J. Sambor had classified the group as a terrorist organization. Residents of the area were evacuated from the neighborhood and told to return after 24 hours.
On Monday, May 13, 1985, nearly five hundred police officers attempted to clear the building and execute the arrest warrants. Water and electricity were shut off in order to force MOVE members out of the house and Commissioner Sambor exhorted them to come out stating "Attention MOVE: This is America. You have to abide by the laws of the United States." When the MOVE members did not respond, the police decided to forcibly remove the members from the house. There was an armed standoff with police who lobbed tear gas canisters at the building. The MOVE members fired at them, and a gunfight with semi-automatic and automatic firearms ensued. Police went through over ten thousand rounds of ammunition when Commissioner Sambor decided the rowhouse could be bombed. From a Pennsylvania State Police helicopter, Philadelphia Police Department Lt. Frank Powell dropped two one-pound bombs made of FBI-supplied Tovex, a dynamite substitute, which targeted a fortified, bunker-like cubicle on the roof of the house. The resulting explosions ignited a fire from fuel for a gasoline-powered generator stored in the rooftop bunker. The fire spread and eventually destroyed 61 nearby houses. Officials said they feared that MOVE would shoot at the firefighters so they were held back. John Africa and 5 other adults and 5 children died. There were only two survivors; a child, Birdie Africa and an adult woman, Ramona Africa.
John Gilbride eventually left the movement and filed for divorce from Alberta in 1999 which led to years of heated court battles over custody of Zackary; John also filed for bankruptcy. John had gone deep into debt paying for in-vitro fertility treatments as they were desperately trying to have a child. John had also grown frustrated with "MOVE's meddling in his marriage" which "staged hours-long interventions" whenever the couple argued. According to Jack, the timing of the murder and the custody dispute is “more than a coincidence.” Philadelphia Police Captain William Fisher, the head of the department’s civil rights division who knows the MOVE leaders well, stated that John’s murder “seemed like a textbook mob hit” and John had a gambling problem and other enemies as well; Jack dismisses Captain Fisher’s claims saying he did a "disservice to the investigation" and “was simply trying to ease the department’s relationship with MOVE”. Captain Fisher continues to doubt that MOVE was involved saying Jack wants to think that “MOVE did it because it solves his problem…I’m a parent too, and it’s an emotional thing.” He believes a professional gunman could have known of John’s problems with MOVE and could have timed the murder accordingly saying if MOVE was involved, they would not have “outsourced the job to someone outside their organization.” He acknowledges “there was a lot of rhetoric and everything else, but keep it in perspective, it's a child custody thing” saying MOVE's members "defend themselves when needed but do not go out and kill people." Captain Fisher suggested a trip to Las Vegas a few days before his death needed to be looked into further; Jack avers John went to Las Vegas for an Earth, Wind, and Fire concert. John also had a "secret..and brief" second marriage to Rosario Bienvenida Arias-a 24-year-old casino dealer from the Dominican Republic. They married in Maryland on April 25, 2002, but, according to the annulment initiated by John May 19,2002, "she used him and then fled the country." The marriage had not been "nullified by the time John died, so as his widow, Rosario-not Zack-collected death benefits."
Others disagree such as former MOVE supporter Tony Allen who runs an anti-MOVE blog; he believes MOVE would never have put someone in their closest family circles at risk by killing John and would have given that task to a supporter saying “my hope is that there's people in and about MOVE whose consciences will eat away at them." Burlington County Prosecutor Robert Bernardi mentioned that MOVE members had been questioned in the investigation but did not comment further. In 2012 the Philadelphia Inquirer reported that John had told friends and family that he had recorded incriminating evidence in a notebook as "security against a hit" by MOVE. John said he had placed the notebook inside a locker for safekeeping. Jack confirmed one of John’s coworkers had contacted him and he tried to get police to search the locker but to no avail. At the time, Prosecutor Bernardi had no comment when pressed on the topic. It is unclear if the locker was ever searched.
In a 2009 news article, Jack mentioned that he continues to speak with investigators every three weeks but acknowledged "they get tired of telling me there's nothing new." Zackary, at the time 13 years old, was “a happy home-schooled teen, active in swimming and fencing.” In the interview, Alberta admitted that her son continues to miss his father recalling how they “found a picture of his dad, and he just fell into me..he's a big boy, but he was in tears. She also says "the tears she cried for John were real in 2002" and she continues to feels his absence noting that she remarried after John’s death, “not out of love, but to give her son a stable home.”
Jack said “his life has been anything but stable” since his son's death. His wife, Fran, died of cancer two years after his son was killed, and he speaks to Zack only once every three to six months. He knows that “wishing his son were still alive is pointless” so he focuses on resolving the case so Zack can come back into his life saying “he's been raised by MOVE his whole life. I hope when he gets older, he'll ask questions. I want him to know that his father fought for him."
Anyone with information about John’s murder can contact the Burlington County Prosecutor's Office at 609-265- 7113.
Questions:
Do we know more about John's gambling debts and other enemies he supposedly had? There is much discussion on the MOVE angle but I really couldn't find much information on any other theories besides the statement made by Captain Fisher.
Was John's locker ever searched?
Links:
https://www.inquirer.com/philly/news/20090926_Slaying_of_ex-MOVEr_still_roils_feelings_7_years_later.html
https://www.theintelligencer.com/news/article/Man-in-Custody-Battle-Shot-to-Death-10572580.php
https://www.inquirer.com/philly/blogs/inq-blinq/A-clue-hidden-in-a-lost-locker.html
https://www.inquirer.com/philly/hp/news_update/20140928_A_slain_man__a_lost_son_and_a_grandfather_s_quest.html
https://culteducation.com/group/1060-move/14601-breaking-silence-over-a-sons-slaying.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MOVE#2002_murder_of_John_Gilbride
http://antimove.blogspot.com/2012/09/?m=1
https://www.religionnewsblog.com/4623/unsolved-death-angers-move-grieves-parents
https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/8/8/20747198/philadelphia-bombing-1985-move
https://www.inquirer.com/philly/entertainment/20131020_A_haunting_look_at_when_Phila__burned.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/02/movies/let-the-fire-burn-relives-1985-siege-of-the-move-group.html
https://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/02/27/birdie-africa-lost-boy/
http://kalamu.com/neogriot/2015/05/13/history-lest-we-forget-today-is-the-30th-anniversary-of-the-bombing-of-move/
MOVE has been “an anomaly in Philadelphia ever since it was founded, in the mid-1970s, by a white graduate student who became enthralled with the musings of a local black handyman who took the name John Africa and held beliefs ranging from vegetarianism to odd bathing rituals to preparation for worldwide racial conflict.” Several city officials were reprimanded in an investigation which called “dropping a bomb on an occupied row house…unconscionable” but none were criminally charged for the bombing. The 61 destroyed homes were rebuilt with government funds ($35 milion) but the houses were eventually condemned since a potential carbon monoxide leak was found in the heating systems. In 2000, the city paid again to buy out the residents and move them.
Ramona Africa, the only adult who came out of the house fire alive (along with 13-year old Birdie Africa), served seven years in prison for her role in the confrontation. As she stood outside MOVE's current house in 2013, she dismissed the notion that the home had code violations stating “they say it is a fire hazard but the only fire MOVE has ever been involved with is the one the city of Philadelphia set on May 13, 1985."

It was at the tail end of a long shift at 7-11, getting close to midnight. Business had been brisk all day but now there was only the customers going on beer runs and the night shift grabbing coffee and donuts. I manned my till, smiled at people by reflex, and swept every so often.
A man with a hoodie, glasses, and a dark green jacket approached the counter. As I started my spiel, he shocked me out of my autopilot by pulling a black handgun from his coat pocket, leveling it at my chest, and then stating his intention to rob the place.
“I see,” I said. “This is highly irregular.”
“It is,” he agreed. “Yet here we are.”
“I suppose you’ve given no thought to the long term viability of your chosen profession? Armed robbery is a notoriously unstable field. The cash in this register looks like a lot, if you grew up with little, but a simple cost benefit analysis will show clearly that the money here is almost comically small compared to the risks one must take to, well, take it. The possibility of arrest, being tackled by a bystander, the small but worrying possibility that I too have a concealed firearm about my person... sure, each individual robbery seems like a slam dunk, but in aggregate the risks are appalling and the payoff is almost the same as a 9 to 5 job. Imagine, if you will, a game of chance at a casino. You must place $200 on the table to play. The dealer takes a deck of cards and draws one at random. If it is any card other than the Ace of Spades, you the gambler earn $1. But if the Ace of Spades is drawn, you lose your $200 stake.
“Obviously,” I continued, “on any given draw you are likely to win a dollar. But in the long run, the house always wins- 1 in 52 draws will ruin you, so for every $51 you win, you have to pay $200. It is a fool’s game you are playing.”
“We are of an accord,” he said. “I am no mere thug who draws a weapon without thought. I am a man of action, but action must include forethought.
“The risks that armed robbers assume are high, as you say. But risks can be compensated for. I have cased this shop for a week- I am familiar with every route in and out. My car is parked the ideal distance away- close enough that I can get to it rapidly, far enough away that no camera can see or witness tie me to it. The camera will not show much with this hoodie and fake glasses. I specifically targeted you here because I live several towns over, so investigating cops will not patrol my own streets. And as long as I do not kill you, this remains a robbery, not a murder. Police budget is tight this fiscal year- criminal investigations must be prioritized.
“A gamble I am taking, to be sure,” said the gunman. “But a calculated one. The odds are much more favorable than your posited 52 to 200. I have adjusted them in my favor, and so roll the dice gladly.”
I nodded. “Impressive.”
“Thank you.”
“If appeals to practical costs avail nothing, let me try a new line of attack. Many people think their thievery is directed at some faceless corporation, and therefore bypasses the standard morality of ‘Thou shalt not steal.’ On the surface, perhaps; the store has an insurance policy that covers shoplifting and vandals and robbers. The money stolen from the till will indeed be replaced by a faceless insurance company a day or two after my boss fills out the paperwork. But the simple fact is that the insurance company charges a premium for its services- that cost to doing business is passed on to the consumer by way of pricing. Those bags of candy and the energy drinks in the cooler and the peanuts and the muffins and the ice cream and the beer and the chips and the sodas and the apples and the Advil and the coffee and the Mac ‘n’ Cheese bowls are all expensive as fuck. The mark ups around here are staggering. They have to be. Individuals like yourself force the high pricing to compensate for the premium; just as you have proactively adjusted the odds in your favor, so too do the insurance men. You are not stealing from me, you are not stealing from my boss, and you are not stealing from the 7-11 company, or the insurance agency for that. You are stealing from your fellow citizens. Would you not rather point that gun at an old lady as she walks down the street? Would you be willing to rob a hardworking family man who needs food stamps to get by? Would it not be easier to threaten a child of eight for his pocket change?”
“In a word, yes,” said the gunman. “I am aware that I am exploiting society as a whole, and not merely one tiny little subsection of it. But you have not considered carefully enough the structure of the world.
“Remember the great Libertarian doctrine that taxation is theft. Therefore, in mathematical certainty, theft is also taxation. Now, you apparently acknowledge the right of the government to steal your money- I suspect you are not plotting anarchist revolution in your spare time. So what line can you draw in the sand between me and the IRS?
“That question is rhetorical and easily countered, of course. I am not the government. But the line is drawn because of scale, not of type. Refusal to pay taxes will, eventually and with enough lines crossed, result in armed men visiting your home to take you to prison. I at least am upfront about my coercion. That upfrontness costs me badly, for I have no ‘legitimacy’ per se. The closest historical parallel may be this. Under the Byzantine empire, serfs- which is the closest label the situation has to wageslaves such as yourself, no offense- paid taxes to the Augustus, and considered it to be approximately dead center of the Overton Window. The Byzantines had royal pomp, army after army of soldiers to collect the taxes, centuries of tradition and shared culture bolstering them, and most importantly of all, an obligation to organize and fund large scale civic projects to the benefits of the taxed peasants.”
“I was about to say,” I interjected. “You beat me to it. ‘No taxation without representation’ was going to be how I would have phrased it, for the government spends the money to the communal good, in theory, and I get a small say in how and where.”
“I could easily challenge that,” said the gunman with a sardonic smile. “If representative democracy indeed dead in the water, what responsibilities have we to preserve the interests of the government?”
“A recognition that the government and society are distinct, and that wanton crime harms the second even worse than the first? Honestly. This seems like self-justifying sophistry on your part.”
The gunman shrugged. “It is what it is. To get back to the Byzantine metaphor. The peasant, i.e. you, does not do more than grumble when the tax collector comes, for the tax collect has that mystical property of legitimacy. But there is another faction in the world- the Mongol, the Goth, the Vandal, the barbarian from outside the known world who deals in raw violence. The barbarian holds a sword in his hand-“ and here the gunman wiggled his handgun suggestively- “and demands gold. The barbarian lacks legitimacy, to be sure, but one can hardly argue that his position is without merit.”
“At least one of us is deeply confused,” I said. “You seem to be justifying yourself by the savage and inhuman doctrine of Might Makes Right. Yet you claim to be in the right by equating your barbarism (your word, not mine) with a legitimate system of government whose very cornerstone is that Might Does Not Make Right.”
“You miss a vital piece of the puzzle, which is this: society is not on my side. That ‘legitimate system of government’ representing me and my community does not work to my prosperity. I have sworn no metaphorical oaths of allegiance to the Augustus, and I have sworn no literal oaths of allegiance to the system of government in the here and now. I deny the very concept that the Law is holy and must be obeyed for the common good, for the common good is none of mine. Imagine, if you will, standing before the Heavenly throne as a fresh soul that has never touched flesh before. God says to you, ‘Look, I’m going to send you on down there for a lifetime until you come back to me. You get a choice- you can either be a peasant who works 14 hour days and lives in a mud hut and will be abused and exploited every day of his life, or you can be a one of the Mongol horse archers who lives and dies by the sword. What’s your poison?’ I happen to find myself (quite inadvertently, for I did not as a child dream of a career as an armed robber) in such a position. Who could blame such a soul for choosing the sword instead of the plow?”
“Me,” I said. “I can blame you. I hate working for a living too. But I’m behind this counter trading time and energy for cash, and the society that gave birth to me, raised me, protected me, and will one day bury me is slightly better for it. Every impulse towards civilization starts with people like me plugging away at it and contributing to the present and the future, in a spirit of thankfulness for the past.”
“Admirable,” said the gunman. “I for one would rather cut off my right hand than to gainsay a man such as you in your lifelong devotion to civic virtue. But I won’t. You shall go your way, and me mine, and we shall both be content.”
“Shall we? Shall we truly both be content? Should a cancer patient try to live and let live with the tumor inside him? Shall a lifeboat of marooned sailors agree to disagree with the man who steals the rationed food and water while the others endure with little? Can there truly be anything but war between us- war in the abstract and at a remove, to be sure, but war nonetheless? Those Mongols and Vandals you invoked were met by force of arms, if you’ll recall.”
“Society is specialized and stratified- I’m sure you know the old rhyme. ‘Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar man-‘ “
“ ‘Thief.’ Yes, I’m familiar with it. You’re saying that society can tolerate bad actors to a degree.”
“You have a pretty firm alliance with the bacteria in your stomach, I will say that. That alliance would be imposed by the little wrigglers even if they didn’t contribute to the body as a whole. It seems to work out for everyone. And we’ve already covered how and why I’m willing to try my luck against the specialized profession that is designed to counter me. Society through the government has imposed its prohibitions and laid out its enforcement mechanism; it has done its job. If I can successfully navigate my way to profit through the tangled web of both the rule and the enforcers, well, more power to me. If you think otherwise, then may I ask why you do not descend upon the lawless life-stealers of Wall Street with fire and sword? One white collar guy playing jump rope with the law can wipe out the life savings of hundreds and thousands of families with a click of a mouse.”
I considered this thoughtfully. “I assume there is no point in pitching you the idea of meaningful education and gainful employment as surer paths to success than armed robbery.”
“I already weighed such options. The problem is that I’m good at plotting methods to attack people and places, and I’m good with guns. Hence why I’m here. Like my old man would say, do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
The gunman sighed. “Earlier, you accused me of sophistry. I’m afraid that is basically accurate. All the rhetoric followed after the impulse. And the impulse is as simple as any other great truth around which a life can revolve. That truth is this- I am a man. I was designed by God or by nature to stand tall, to own a permanent and invulnerable home, to set my life as I see fit, and to enjoy the fruit of my own labor. I was meant to join with likeminded folk in a spirit of camaraderie and community and to take no abuse from anyone. I am a man. I was supposed to build, to fix what was passed down to me, to fight in defense of everything that is valuable and irreplaceable.
“And I can’t. It just isn’t an option anymore. My work is done for the profit of others. The egalitarian spirit that all men are created equal- not in ability, but in worth- has been denied and sneered at for too long. The sanctity of my home has been violated; can not the police shatter my door and shoot my dog as they see fit? Even the simple assertion that a man must fight a bully has been barred by law, for honest fights in defense of self-worth and self-esteem have been banned, even as the law had banned the perverse aristocratic imitation of dueling. Were a man to spit on me and call me a faggot or a nigger or a dumb fucking chink or a retard or a sister-fucker, and I was to break his nose for the insult, the police would crackdown on me and ruin my life with an assault charge. It is too late to fight for that which is valuable and irreplaceable; that fight is over and my side lost. How can a free man with pride exist under such conditions? How can a tree grow from salted soil?
“I am a man, and I will not be a slave. I am undoubtedly better off than a slave in chains, but a slave to circumstance is still not free. Well, I will live as a warrior before kneeling as a serf. The savage liberty of the barbarian at the gates is a pale imitation of the free man in a just and democratic society, but I will take the imitation since it’s all that is left for me. If I seize not the gun, I will live for decades as a servant to ‘better’ men; and I shall not.
“If I fall into foolish logic puzzles and contradictions trying to turn this impulse into words, so be it. The impulse remains nonetheless.”
I nodded. “Tell you what-“
I grabbed a receipt someone had left behind before the gunman showed up at my store and scribbled some numbers on it, hiding my writing from him. I stuffed the number in my pocket.
“The register doesn’t open without this number. I absolutely refuse to open the till for you, but if you gun me down, you can grab that note and open it yourself.”
“I could beat you up and just take the note without killing you, perhaps? If I shoot you, well, that impacts my odds of capture.”
“Yes,” I said, “but I have a box cutter here that I use to break down cardboard in the back. I don’t know if I can win, but I can make you kill me to avoid getting slashed up. I assume you would not want drops of your blood at the crime scene.”
“Very true. And I appreciate the sporting gesture of writing the number down.”
“So here we are. You want the money, which I estimate to be about $1,200 between the two registers, you need to shed blood.”
The silence hung heavy over everything else. My chest was tight and my breathing was shallow. The gunman held his gun at a forty five degree angle aimed at the counter between us, and it wavered up and down slightly, as though he was trying to decide whether or not to kill me.
“I’m honestly not clear what your angle here is,” he said. “This is contrary to store policy, surely; you’re supposed to just give me the money.”
“My angle is the same as yours, really. I too am a man, and I too chafe under the modern destruction of liberty. And I too yearn to fight in a holy crusade in defense of all that is valuable and irreplaceable. Today, that means I’m going to make you kill me. That’s what civilized men do when the barbarians are at the gate. You aren’t an idiot, you know damn well that if you carry that gun into enough shoppettes eventually you’ll have to kill someone. You appear to have accepted the possibility. Well, it’s no mere possibility now. You want the money, kill me. Smell the gunpowder in the air, feel the gunshot ring your ears, see the dark blood pool under me spread and spread and spread. Feel your hands shake as the enormity of what you’ve done sinks in. Motherfucker, I am a man, and you don’t get to rob my store without paying the price for it.”
The gunman stared hard into my eyes, and myself not being a poker player at all I could not read the intent. “I don’t really have to, do I? There are other stores. Hell, I can come back tomorrow and see if whoever is on shift then has less spine. My plan is still basically sound.”
“Pure cowardice. If you aren’t willing to be a proper Mongol and commit to barbarism, you have no business pretending you are a barbarian. If you refuse to kill me tonight, what do you intend to do in a month when someone tries to tackle you from behind mid-robbery? Stop being a little bitch and either open fire or get the fuck out of my store.”
He raised the gun in one smooth motion, leveling it in my face just far enough away that I could not lunge forward to try to grab it. He said something, but I didn’t hear it. I was staring at the muzzle too hard.
When he left, I don’t think he was truly any happier than he was before.